so...i broke down and ate meat the other night. I'm not proud of myself...but on the brighter side, i made this bento lunch for myself today. i thought i twas awfully cute and i wanted to share it.

She & Him - You Really Got A Hold On Me

canon blue, i love you.

NEW ALBUM..?

it appears i have been out the loop for quite some time, perhaps it was my love for toro y moi tha completely blinded me of ever realising or caring that gregory and the hawk have come out with  a new album over a year ago..gosh where have i been.

No shave November

No shave November is something i have been taking part in for years now, except for last year... and the year before that... i guess...because i was dating people unfortunately, and and I seriously doubt there are many women who walk around appreciating their fuzzy-legged girlfriends, although there were a few weeks i simply didn't shave just for the hell of getting my girlfriend pissed off. it never worked though...they didn't seem to mind. but nevermind that, and their opinions. this year i vow to be single, and dabble in the loveliness of solitude, and the hairy legs that follow. ah how great it will be! perhaps i should shave now though, because its been a few weeks and length is accumulating, however despite that i still wear shorts and skirts, also despite the weather.

vegan babe

This is a video i watched on my hunt for good vegan diets and meals to make myself. Stumbling across this half warmed my heart and made me upset, wishing that i could have known my great grandmother and hear her stores of the great depression. I've never known anyone over the age of 80. however recently during a ceremony for 9/11, i met a world war 2 veteran and him and and i scheduled a date to meet and talk, he doesn't have a phone though, so it makes things an awful lot harder than it should be. i just want to sit and discuss the 50's and 40's over some tea is all, and hear the great stores of the times before me.

anyway, back to going vegan. we all know i love meat, i love steak, and chicken, and hamburgers and ribs bacon and all sorts of meat products....but i feel that it's time to make a change, at least for a little while. I'm basically doing a body cleanse, where i eat mainly vegetables and fruits. Breakfast would be my usual black coffee, or tea, apples, whole wheat bread and either some peanut butter or some avocado spread.
lunch would be, home made salsa, another apple (yum!) some pita chips and some cold chickpeas. dinner would probably be some sort of soup, i haven't exactly set out an actual plan for myself yet but that's what i have so far... and I'll be snacking all through out the day during classes and in between classes. i even keep a jar of mixed nuts in my locker...however they're far too salty..i have to buy salt free-unflavored ones.

Oh, and if you'd like to join me on my yummy veggie quest, here's a recipe i found and absolutely LOVE. its my favorite pasta dish. high in calories though, depending on how you make it.

• 1 pound rigatoni pasta
• 3 cups purchased garlic-flavored croutons, (about 5 ounces)
• 1/4 cup slivered almonds (about 1 ounce), toasted
• 1 cup julienned roasted red bell peppers
• 3/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil

• Directions

  Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the pasta and cook until tender but still firm to the bite, stirring occasionally, about 8 to 10 minutes. Drain pasta into a large bowl. Place the croutons and the almonds in a food processor. Pulse until it becomes the texture of bread crumbs. Add the crouton and almond mixture to the hot pasta. Add the peppers and the olive oil. Toss to combine and serve.

it's awfully delicious. and can be served cold, so it makes for great lunch left overs if you bring a lunch to your classes.

oh and here's some vegan scaresuration music by one of my favorite singers.
i used to listen to her quite a bit.

Existing in the present to not exist in the future.

Sometimes i just don't know if i can properly breathe, i don't know if i really, truly contain proper mass, and existence. so i truly hold a place in this world? do i matter in some way,can i even compare in size to the cosmos? i used to feel that i was connected to everyone and everything i found beautiful. the smell before rain, that was me, the flow of water down those city slicked streets, that was me, the rustling of leaves in a tree, the dust before a well lit window, these things were all extensions of myself, or so i have thought.
But as time went on, my connectivity to he universe faded, and along wit it, followers of my theories have faded as well, while loosing myself, they lost themselves. and that saddens me. to once have been the inspiration of others and to let them down mentally i feel somewhat ashamed.

and now all i have left is this; the cold hard facts, the only physical truth could very well be science. but even truth itself upsets me, because like all things it is pain strikingly relative, it is merely a social norm, is a collective theory amongst the people, taught, killed, dying and being re born again in text books and on the Internet. we haven't the slightest clue what is real anymore, and nor do i.

we're all awaiting this realization and revelation of what we truly are and what our purpose is. sadly i cannot tell you what your purpose is, and you cannot tell yourself... i feel that perhaps our purpose is to just...be. and it can be as simple as that. the most complex things have the simplest of answers. we have created an entirely new world of philosophy questioning and wondering, search and finding, and no matter what we will never reach a mutual understanding. i am fine by this and i acknowledge my flaw in never being able to produce a single, straight answer... but to tell you the truth all answers are a concoction of thoughts and theories produced and formed over years of experiences, ones in which you have not had yet.
your only truth in this world, is death. that is our only constant. whether you fear it, or embrace it with open arms, it is the only things that you are assured.

and with that said, you exist for death. i exist for death. and i choose t embark on the loveliest of journeys in my death, in my spiritual awakening and physical closing.

PANDA BEAR.

Someone Bought me Panda Bear tickets. i"m extremely excited and bubbling and overflowing with joy.

I had a shitty night

today i wanted to go the house of vans to see japanther, Tokyo police club and a few other bands... however i got here too late because of a friend of mine who always knows how to ruin a night.
a punk thew up next to me while i waited in line for an hour to ultimately find out the venue had reached mass capacity...so i didn't get in sadly.

i just got home, drinking the last little bit of wine i had and watching shitty television.

i haven't been this sad in a while.